The Guntress
by UknownHero
Summary: So, you'd like to hear another story? Well, how about one where heroes from another world wander into the Borderlands, unaware of the horrors they will face? From that comes an up-and-coming manufacturer, a myth, someone who should not exist and the greatest bandit to ever live. No? Then screw you. It's Handsome Jack against anime teenage girls with transforming guns.


New Game... Start!

_Now, would you like to hear another story from the Borderlands? Would you like hear about the fall of New Haven? Or maybe about the Vault Hunters who fought the Children of the Vault?_

_Wanna hear about RWBY!_

_...What the fuck are you talking about kid?_

_I-It's a show from the ECHOnet! Look at the girls!_

_What the... okay, that blonde has a nice rack... Wait, hold on. You kids should not be watching this shit._

_But I wanna hear a story about them next!_

_...I am not doing fan fiction, kid._

_Pppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppplllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...!_

_Fine! Fine! J-Just stop giving me those stupid eyes! God, I hate heartwarming orphans! Goddammit... Let's see the summary of the characters of this stupid show so I actually do this... Okay. Done. Hey, why are you all bored-looking?_

_Um... you've been on the ECHOnet for, like, an hour._

_Gah, why the hell am I telling stories to you people? You know what, fine! You're getting the story about the Vault Hunters who killed Handsome Jack again!_

_Aw..._

_Shut up! You know what, since I'm such a nice guy, I'll insert those girls into the story and just go from there, alright? Is that okay, you little shits!?_

_...Yeah. Okay._

_Good, because we're going back to the beginning! And don't complain or I'll throw you out to the streets! Now __first, there was the Vault, an alien prison opened with a mystical key. To the warriors who opened it, the Vault was just a container of tentacles and disappointment. They vanished into the wastelands, certain that the Vault held no treasure at all. They were wrong. The Vault's opening triggered the growth of Eridium, a priceless alien element. Soon, the rare and valuable mineral emerged all across Pandora. Its appearance attracted many. Including... the Hyperion corporation. They came to Pandora to mine Eridium, and bring order to the savage planet. Through their excavations, Hyperion uncovered evidence of an even greater Vault. Their leader vowed to find it - to use its power to civilize the Borderlands once and for all. But Hyperion weren't the only ones searching for the next Vault's alien power. The call of danger and loot is not so easily resisted. Certain warriors came to Pandora in droves to uncover its hidden secrets. Some would call them adventurers. Others call them fools. But I... call them Vault Hunters. Our story begins with them and with a man named Handsome Jack..._

_And a transport going straight to hell._

_**[Mechromancer: Hey, what are you doing?]**_

_**[Guntress: I wanna start my own ECHOcast to record everything! You know, to tell our friends how we're doing back home.]**_

_**[Mechromancer: ...]**_

_**[Guntress: Oh, right. We don't have any...]**_

_**[Mechromancer: Well... it'll be nice to go back on all these when we're badass Vault Hunters. You start it. I'm gonna get some food for us. This'll be a long trip.]**_

_**[Guntress: Oh! Get me some Torgue Soda while you're there!]**_

_**[Mechromancer: Yeah, yeah! Got it!]**_

_**[Guntress: Thanks sis! Oh crap, almost forgot this was recording. U-Um... hi, everyone! Well, me or sis or... Er... man, this is not easy to do is it. Um, guess I'll just talk as if there's someone actually listening. Come on, deep breaths.]**_

_**[Guntress: Hello, you may refer to me as the Guntress! No... no... that sounds lame. Um... Yo, what up! It's the Guntress com-No. I just sound like a douchebag! Stupid social anxiety!]**_

_**[Guntress: Okay. Let's just... start this. This is Red the Guntress and it has been... exactly a year since I met the best sister and the best dad in the galaxy. Um... allow me to explain. So, one day sis and dad were out, getting ice-cream and they sort found me in a trash can. I was in really bad shape. My left eye was sort of mush, I had a freaking bite mark on my leg and overall not looking too great. They took me to an Anshin Hospital and fixed me up, gave me a new eye. While I was recovering, sis and dad would visit me and ask questions and, wouldn't you know it, I could barely remember the first letter of my name.]**_

_**[Guntress: There was no record of me ever existing so it was assumed I was part of some shady business that dumped me when they no longer needed me. Yeah, I was either a slave or a prostitute before they found me. So awesome. So, like the amazing people they already are, sis and dad took me in and raised me as if I was always there. Now, they found me along with a red weapon that, get this, turned from a sniper rifle to a scythe! Oh, baby, the sleepless nights I had about her. I would so take her if she still worked! U-Uh, sorry. I-I wasn't drooling, I swear! A-Anyways, it was pretty much peaceful. Me and sis were like the bestest of friends! We played together, built gadgets together, cut her arm off together, it was so much fun.]**_

_**[Guntress: Then we, uh... screwed up. Just a little.]**_

_**[Guntress: You see, while sis was exploding Marcie (sis is still mad she got third place, please listen to her ECHOcast if you want the details), I was... accidently hacking into every... major weapons manufacturer in the galaxy. I don't know how I did it, I was trying to figure out how to digistruct pancakes! And maybe start my own brand of guns but that's beside the point. So, while sis was dealing with being arrested, I was in my room freaking out, knowing that every goddamn company in the six galaxies was going to come after me either to kill me or worse.]**_

_**[Guntress: But lo and behold, dad comes to the rescue! Coming out of nowhere in a golf cart with gasoline and... you just had to be there. Anyways, long story short, me and sis are heading to the borderlands to hunt vaults, leaving everything behind apart from the clothes on our backs and our souvenirs. Sis has Deathtrap, I have that scythe sniper rifle. The gun part doesn't work but it's really sharp and made out of material that I haven't quite nailed down yet. Dad, if you're listening to this... I already miss you. But we're gonna come back as soon as the heat dies down... or everyone is too scared to face-off against badasses, either or. But until then... I love yo-HOLY BITCH! ISN'T THAT A HYPERION LEGENDARY!? Oh shit... I think...!]**_

_**THUD!**_

_**[Mechromancer: Hey, Red. They were out of Torgue Soda but I did get-Oh no, not again... Hehehe, I get the feeling that Red's gonna love Pandora.]**_

Red hated Pandora as soon as she got off that train.

Okay, slight correction. Red hated Pandora after she was _blown up_ from the train.

There had to be a better wording for that, but she was pissed and hurt.

Even though her adorable face will never convey that.

**Red the Guntress  
Little Red Killer**

Actually, now that she thought about it, it wasn't much of a surprise. Pandora was a shithole, everyone back home knew that ever since Hyperion took it over and started trying to make it more civilised. Full of nothing but bandits, psychos and the murderous wildlife only the bravest or the stupidest would even dare to step foot on the planet, chasing after its faint promise of fame and fortune.

Red and her sister, Gaige, were among one of those idiots.

The train was a trap. Obviously. The CEO of Hyperion, a man calling himself Handsome Jack, was calling for every Vault Hunter to gather at Pandora for some big job. Seeing that they barely had enough money to buy a white-rarity Tediore and a single clip of ammo, the sisters took it and boarded the train to... holy shit, those assholes never mentioned where that train was going to stop.

Okay, Red was now becoming aware that she should hate Hyperion more rather than Pandora itself. At least it hasn't tried to kill her yet.

It all happened so fast. Hyperion Loaders started shooting at them while they were asleep and the pistol they bought did absolutely nothing against their armour. Then there were explosions and blood, Red even spotted a Psycho tearing apart those robots and weirdly enough telling them to keep running while he held them off... she assumed.

It was something along the lines of **PUMPKINS NEED TO SURVIVE THE BAKING SHOW AND I'M ALL OUT OF MEAT SAUCE **but Red sort of got what he was saying... she thought.

Where was she again?

Oh yeah, buried underneath three feet of snow.

After digging herself out, Red checked herself for any serious injuries. Surprisingly, she felt and looked completely fine. Just a little tired, really cold and she needed to reboot her cybernetic eye, which meant she couldn't use her Reapertech program until she can get a stable connection to ECHOnet.

God, this sucked.

Red looked around and could barely see the remnants of the train and... bodies.

Oh no...!

"G-Gaige!" Red called out, however her voice was barely heard as the blizzard raged on. God, she was cold. She could've worn a jacket or a scarf but _no_...! She just had to bring along her red cloak as her only protection against the elements. Meanwhile, the only clothes she had was the tattered crap she wore when she woke up in that dumpster, repaired to the best of her dad's ability with a rose and crossbones patch sewn on to cover up the cleavage hole and a couple dozen ammo belts and pouches (which weren't needed since all her ammo would just go to her Storage Deck Unit anyways).

What was she doing again? Oh, right, finding her sister.

After wandering around for a bit, she spotted Gaige a few feet away, blood splattered around her. Red dashed up to her and started to shake her. "Sis, come on...! Wake up...!" She pleaded, tears quickly starting to fill her eyes when Gaige continued to not move. "No...! Please! Don't go!"

"R-Red...?" Suddenly, Red heard a familiar voice groan out as Gaige started to wake up. "Ugh... The hell... I think I cracked my ass."

**Gaige the Mechromancer  
Best. Sister. Ever.**

Red ignored that last sentence and hugged her fellow cyborg. "Y-You're alive! I-I thought...!" She started to sputter out, only to realise that Gaige was making pained noises, causing her to let go. "Sorry!"

"It's okay. I'm just glad you barely got a scratch on you." Gaige said as she held onto the nasty gash on her side. "Did you pick up a shield or something?"

"No." Red answered with a frown. "Maybe I just got lucky? It doesn't matter; we need to find shelter from this blizzard."

"Then do you mind helping me walk?" Gaige asked as she held up her arms. Red nodded and helped the Mechromancer get to her feet. They followed the ruins of their transport, seeing that it wasn't going to do much against the blizzard. But with Gaige injured and slowly bleeding out, her legs gave out from underneath her and caused her to roll down the small snow hill they were trudging over, accidently bringing Red with her.

"Ugh..." The two sisters groaned before spotting... something in front of them digging.

"Is that... a Claptrap?" Red whispered out as her eyes widened. She thought they were all destroyed.

"Great – another dead Vault Hunter. Handsome Jack's been busy." Claptrap muttered to himself as he worked before noticing the two staring at him. "Hey, wait a minute – you're not dead!"

**Claptrap the CL4P-TP  
Last of his Kind. Thank God.**

"Um... we kind of noticed." Gaige replied as she kept pressure to her side. Oh, she was definitely going to get frostbite at this rate if they didn't find somewhere warm.

"Even more Vault Hunters! It's your lucky day, Claptrap! Now I can get off this glacier! Your metaphorical ship has finally come!" Claptrap said as Red and Gaige got up. "Allow me to introduce myself – I am a CL4P-TP steward bot, but my friends call me Claptrap! Or they would, if any of them were still alive. Or had existed in the first place!"

"We know the feeling..." Red sighed out.

"Oh, I've got something for you two!" Claptrap said as he quickly dug out an ECHO device from the snow. "Here, take this ECHO communicator that I totally didn't loot from one of these corpses! It comes with a class-twelve heads-up display, complete with minimap! I only had one, so you two are gonna have to share."

"Um, it's okay. My left eye is an ECHO device and it's just about to finish rebooting." Red informed as Gaige grabbed the device and hooked it onto her belt. Just as she said that, the reboot finished and started displaying everything she needed. Health, ammo, objectives. Yep, typical UI for anyone who can survive one day of Pandora without going bandit or insane. "Now, we need to get somewhere safe to warm up and heal. You know where, Claptrap?"

"Of course, my home just over there. Come, come, we'll get you inside! There you can meet my other new friends!" Claptrap got out in excited before going as fast as he can on his one wheel.

Red and Gaige only looked at each other before following the robot, barely listening to his ramblings about how he was going to have his revenge on Handsome Jack and joining a resistance. His voice was a little grating to the ears but at least he was the nicest thing they've met on Pandora so far.

Which, to be honest, wasn't an achievement.

Suddenly, Red and Gaige jumped as they saw a face they didn't recognise in the middle of their vision.

"_I'll explain everything soon, but know this – you're alive for a reason, and I... am here to help you_." The mysterious woman said before disappearing.

"What the..." Red whispered out.

"Where did she come from...?" Gaige wondered out loud as they continued following the steward bot.

Eventually, the blizzard died down, allowing them to see (assumingly) Claptrap's home.

It was just a giant, hollowed out pile of frozen trash, ice, dead bodies and dead CL4P-TP units. But it was a little festive with all the Mercenary Day lights.

Spotting a nearby ammo case, Red went up to it and opened it. It had some sniper ammo, which she quickly stored into her SDU, and a Minor Insta-Heal Vial, which she threw over to Gaige. "Thanks, sis." Gaige breathed out as she injected herself with the vial, repairing some of the damage. At the very least she wasn't going to bleed to death.

They quickly caught up to Claptrap after the door to his base scanned him. "It's a wonder that still works..." Red noted.

"Just a little added security. Gotta keep those Bullymongs at bay, or they'll rip your eyes out!" Claptrap explained as they went inside. "I'm sure you should know, minion!"

"My eye wasn't ripped out... was it?" Red muttered out before realising what Claptrap just called them. "Wait, what did you just say?"

"Hello, everyone! I found some new Vault Hunters to join us!" Claptrap announced as they entered the Claptrap's Place. The sisters breathed out in relief, feeling the heat of the furnace instantly. They were slightly disturbed by the frozen corpses everywhere, propped up as if Claptrap was desperately trying to imagine they were alive, but they had the feeling they were going to get used to it on this planet. "Sorry about the mess. Everything Jack kills, he dumps here – bandits, Vault Hunters, Claptrap units... If I sound pleased about this, it's only because my programming made this my default voice! I'm actually quite depressed!"

"...The guys who programmed you must be dicks." Red mumbled under her breath as they noticed that there were other people here.

"Hm?" A blue haired woman with strange tattoos got out as she spotted the girls. "Whoa... they look... young." She noted, looking slightly worried.

"Hey, I have you know I drink." Gaige replied in slight annoyance. "Uh, I will drink anyways..." she mumbled under her breath.

"Hold on... those tattoos..." Red muttered out. "A-Are you a Siren!?" She got out in excitement.

"Well, it's not like the entire planet isn't going to find out soon enough." The Siren sighed out. "I'm Maya." She introduced herself as she held out her fist.

**Maya the Siren  
Well, the fourth one to arrive on Pandora.**

"Oh my god, a real Siren! I'd thought I'd never meet one!" Red squealed out as she shook the fist. "I-I'm Red and this here is my big sister, Gaige!"

"Um... Hi?" Gaige nervously got out, knowing that Sirens could very easily melt their brains at the snap of their fingers. Maya narrowed her eyes before leaning in closer to have a better look at the red cloaked girl.

"Just how old are you?" Maya asked. It looked like lying would be a very bad move.

"Er... what would you do if I answered sixteen at best?" Red replied.

"Give me more reasons to kill Handsome Jack." Maya growled. "Please tell me you're not a Vault Hunter."

"Then I'd be lying." Red said as Maya groaned.

"Hey, lay off the kid. If they can handle a gun and can take care of themselves, they can be Vault Hunters." A man who looked like he belonged in the military spoke up as he approached the girls. "Name's Axton. I'd introduce you to the missus but she's a little... preoccupied." He said before sighing sadly.

"Oh... I'm sorry." Gaige got out with a wince. "Don't worry, we'll go after those assholes that killed your wife."

"What? The hell are you talking about? I'm talkin' about my turret!" Axton clarified. "...So much better than my ex-wife."

**Axton the Commando  
Really misses his turret.**

"Oh." Red and Gaige deadpanned.

"And the moping shorty over there is Salvador." Axton said as he pointed at a very sad, very short man who was just sitting down, looking at his empty hands.

"Why is he sad?" Red asked in concern.

"He lost his entire inventory of guns." Maya answered.

"Oh... I get it. I'm sorry for his loss." Red got out in understanding, sniffling a little. Salvador then noticed the new arrivals and waved.

**Salvador the Gunzerker  
Loves guns half as much as Red**

Suddenly, they heard Claptrap scream.

"MY EYE! AHHHHHHH!" They turned around to see a Bullymong rip out Claptrap's eye and threw him away, leaving through a large hole in the ceiling.

"What the hell was that!?" Red exclaimed.

"A creature of force/Knuckle Dragger, a monster/May prove a challenge." A new voice answered. Red did a double take as she looked to her left to see a four finger... robot... alien... guy...?

Okay, who the hell was he!? And where did he come from!?

**Zer0 the Assassin  
That's all you're going to know**

"Gah! Seriously Zer0, you gotta stop doing that!" Axton sighed out.

"Decepti0n broken/Cannot turn invisible/You are just deaf, man." Zer0 replied.

"Are... are you speaking in haikus?" Gaige got out in confusion.

"You get used to it." Maya said off-handily.

"Guys! Claptrap needs help!" Red called out as she ran up to the little robot. "Claptrap, are you still functioning? Did it damage anything else?"

"Wow, I haven't heard anyone talk to me in that tone!" Claptrap stated happily, albeit somewhat weakly due to the whole missing eye thing. "I would cry, but my eye has been ripped out its socket! And I'm a robot, and we are incapable of crying anyways even if we tried. And boy I do! What sort of cruel joke is it for my product line to feel pain and sadness?"

"...Serious dicks." Red grumbled out. "Don't worry, we'll get your eye back."

"Great. There are guns in the cabinet over... somewhere." Claptrap informed as he got up and ran into a wall. "Don't worry, my minions, I'll go ahead and make sure the coast is clear!"

"...We are doomed, aren't we?" Salvador finally spoke up.

"Probably." Axton replied.

Maya just sighed. "Look, we need Claptrap to help us get out of this icy hellhole. Let's go kill Knuckle Dragger and get his eye back." Maya said as she walked over to the nearby gun cabinet and opened it.

Red had to stop herself from shuddering as a pleasurable feeling ran down her spine.

There were a couple of pistols inside with a decent pile of ammo for it. Tediore, Dahl and new manufacturer her ECHO Eye recognised as _Bandit._ Probably Bandit was only available on Pandora.

Which mean a whole new manufacturer to study.

"_Rojo_, are you drooling?" Salvador got out as he stared at the pile of guns. He could get two for himself for when he can go Gunzerking again.

"Huh?" Red dumbly got out before shaking her head, snapping back to reality, noticing that her ECHO Eye had listed getting a gun as one of her first objectives on Pandora.

Not exactly a hard quest, but who was complaining?

The guns were spread out amongst them. Maya and Axton got themselves the Dahl pistols, testing out the burst-fire on a nearby wall. Gaige and Salvador got themselves Bandit pistols, with Salvador taking an extra. Red, meanwhile, went with the Tediore to replace the one she had lost on the train.

Plus, this manufacturer worked well with Reapertech when she finally got it running again.

There was one last gun left in the cabinet, another Bandit pistol. However, since everyone had taken all the ammo, it wasn't going to be of much use until they got more.

"Hey, we better get going. That Bullymong shouldn't have gone far." Red stated as she started to walk away, only for Maya to stop her.

"Hold on, where the hell is Krieg?" Maya asked.

"Huh? Krieg?" Gaige got out in confusion.

Then, if on cue, a large, familiar-looking Psycho came from out of nowhere, waving around a black and yellow gun.

"_THE BLOODBAG HAS ARRIVED FROM POOPHOLE OF TORMENT!"_

**Krieg the Psycho  
Oh yeah, he's here too.**

"HOLY FUCK!" Red shouted out as she scrambled away from Psycho as she pulled out her pistol. "W-Wait... you're the Psycho from the train!"

"_YES I AM LITTLE GIRL!_" The Psycho kindly replied.

"Yeah, and he seems to be on our side." Maya stated. "At the very least, he isn't going to eat us... I think."

"What's his name?" Gaige asked.

"Well, it's either Krieg or Poop Train, but we decided on Krieg." Salvador answered.

"I find it bullshit he's waving around machine guns and shit." Axton grumbled out.

"_I PREORDERED THE FUCK YOU EDITION AND IT GAVE ME PLEASURE!" _Krieg yelled out.

The other Vault Hunters merely stared at him with confused looks on their faces.

"...Let's go kill stuff now." Salvador said as he twirled around his new gun.

"Yeah, good idea." Red replied as the group of Vault Hunters started to move.

So she just moved five feet and grabbed a gun from a locker. You know, it was funny. She thought back to this moment while she was fighting a skyscraper-sized monster with a gun that shot lightning, and all she could say while she sliced said monster's throat open with her scythe was...

"Welcome to Pandora."

Meanwhile... in a galaxy no one knows...

"Is it ready?"

"Just about. We're gonna find her. I promise."

"We better. Ruby... please wait for us."

**CHAPTER 1: Short Change Hero**

Save Game... Quit!

So uh... I don't know how to Salvador.

UknownHero signing off, my friends!


End file.
